so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
