When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
