I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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