I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
