I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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