I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
