I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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