i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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