If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
