never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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