Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
