shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
