your room smells of hookers.
And success
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
