Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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