I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
