break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
