I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
