I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
