I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
