New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
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