she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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