so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
