I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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