Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
