Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
