Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
