bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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