why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
