I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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