last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
