oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
