White coat. Heels.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
