I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
