Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
