i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
