Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
