According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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