my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
