she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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