End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
