Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
