just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
