This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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