There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
