I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
