If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My ATM looks so different sober.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Randomize
