That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
