i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
