Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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