I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
