Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
