Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
