Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
