I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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