hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Tell her she can't have a vagina
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
