who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
