New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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