My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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