god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
