I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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