If that was your dad, he is hot
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
